By: Liomie Kurera
Almost everyone might have felt depressed at least once in life. It’s just a feeling like happiness, sorrow or anything you feel. But having depression as a disorder is completely different scenario.
Dealing with a depressed person is just like handling a glass object. By the simplest mistake of yours it can be broken and when you’re trying to fix it you get hurt by those broken pieces. That’s exactly what happens when you try to encourage someone who is depressed and broken.
Some people question whether the depressed can be in relationships, be in love or maintain a family life. Well, it depends on the persons who are involved in the affair. No matter what, if you’re dealing with a depressed there should be lot of patience and you should pay attention to many things.
You may start the relationship either knowing about her situation or you may be completely unaware about it till you get close to her. If you want to leave her, it’s a good excuse to make. But if you still want to be by her side when she is having a tough time read the following carefully.
Understand her situation.
Normal people can never understand the mentality of a depressed completely. It’s like something absorbs all her strengths, happiness, abilities, feelings and everything inside of her and it slows her down making her numb and devastated. This is not the best explanation to depression but yet it makes sense. If a living creature feels this way just imagine how hard it would be like. While you consider her as your princess keep in mind what’s inside her. Just imagine obstructing her beautiful soul there is a monster hidden inside who would emerge at times. It would help you to understand her sudden mood swings.
Don’t argue with her when depressed.
When she is depressed she may be the rudest person you ever see. She may shout at you, push you away, accuse you or she may even curse you. This really hurts and very hard to tolerate. But, if you blame her back and point out her mistakes at this time, her condition will get worse and you won’t see an end of her miserable behavior. She will get more depressed and will say more and more hurtful things. Then it’s harder for you too to face. She definitely has slip ups, but it’s not the right time to show them. When it comes to a situation like that, keep it in your mind that it’s not her who talks. It’s her depression which speaks. As mentioned before it’s the monster inside her. So you should be really careful with what you say.
Always address her lovingly.
She is the one who loves you more than anyone else in the world.But, as she is a victim of a serious mental illness some fragments of her emotions and feelings could be confined from her mind. So she may sometimes not uncover her love to you. At times she may be harsh to deal with or she may not interact with you well. But sometimes your words will melt her heart away and ease the rigidity. Don’t make any difference of the normal way you talk to her when she is depressed just because she doesn’t talk to you that way. Instead make it more kind and soothing. Make her feel warm by the way you talk. It won’t make everything alright but it will comfort her at least a bit. So that it will be a solace for you too.
Don’t ask reasons for being stressed.
She will be upset most of the time. Sometimes you may wonder why she is upset when nothing is wrong. So you keep questioning her why she is upset. The truth is she doesn’t need a reason to get stressed. Tiny facts which even she doesn’t know affect her mentality and draw her down. So she doesn’t know how to explain it. When you try to investigate a reason then she gets more stressed as she feels helpless that she is unable to declare her emotions. So be by her side without making any difference. Comfort her by giving a hug and make her assured that she is not in solitary.
Don’t take everything personal.
When she makes moves like this you may definitely get all torn up.You can’t help feeling bad and responsible. Sometimes it may be something actually you did but without having an intention to hurt her. Something small like a late reply or a change of your behavior. But most of the times you are not the one who is responsible for that. It’s her inner fighting which makes her that way. So if you commence to blame yourself assuming that you are the reason she gets upset. It will affect her more and it will make her feel like she is a torment to other people. Especially when it’s you who is ill at ease because of her she will be wretched. So you should never take the blame for what’s up to her and worry.
Give her lot of attention and care.
Normally every guy should care a lot about his girl. But when it comes to someone depressed she needs a bit more. Because she always gets depressed when she feels left alone. And depressed are normally frail and ailing. When she is sick most of the times the medication she needs is to be soft on her. You may not be able to stop getting her sick but you can always comfort her by taking care. If you get busy with some work and loose contact for considerable time you may find her depressed. But talk to her in a soothing manner and she’ll come back to normal soon because that feeling you’re back is enough for her to feel better.
Don’t force her for anything.
She may be very lethargic most of the times and won’t engage in anything useful. She may overthink and always be pessimistic. True, it’s not healthy. But forcing her to do something she doesn’t want to do or trying to compel her to have positive thought will not do any good. And also she may be lack of libido. So you should be very careful with her in that circumstance. Because something tiny will lead her to oceans of disappointment as she will start off to regret about her self-esteem thinking she is worthless. So don’t force her unless you can make it with love and affection.
Listen to her carefully.
She may sometimes stay without talking to you. That’s when it’s even hard to let it out what she feels. Like you avoid questioning when she is not talking, listen to her well when she speaks. If you want to make sure about something, inquire it but if she is struggling with the answer let it pass. And don’t always utter the words such as “don’t think about it” or “stop overthinking”. What she needs is to let you know how she feels. If you always end up saying not to think about it she may keep it inside without letting it out because it’s tiring to convince you always stop thinking is not easy as you say. May be you don’t know how to make all the wrong right. But let her talk to you what she feels. Make her feel warm in your arms and it will comfort her.
Get aware about the illness.
It’s important to have knowledge about the illness if your efforts to be more effective. Read some articles written about depression and understand what’s it like, about the symptoms, mental and physical effects and what you could do regarding it. Then you’ll be able to have a vivid picture about lot of things.
It’s not easy to have a relationship with someone depressed. You have to go through tough situations with lot of tolerance and commitment. Sometimes you may also get stressed with her behavior. But if you want her to be in your life you have to face the hardness of it. There is no other option than leaving her if you can’t stand for it. You will be able to make the move and give your life a new beginning. But she will never free her soul. She will be in that misery forever which will be worse than ever.
Be with her, tolerate her and hold her tight, and one day when she finally smiles, there would not be anything else to make you feel better than seeing her smile because of you. And you won’t need any other merit than saving her from suffering.